Why are all the GIFs broken?
Because the Official Server Photographer fell into the Void with the SD card.
If you see "Content Not Available", it's a feature, not a bug.
We are actively awaiting screenshot submissions to fix this mess.
Send your clips/pics to Dotto8 immediately.
Reward: 1 (One) Baked Potato.
"The only server where the lag is a feature, not a bug."
Origins: Born from the ashes of the corrupt Kwwanzo SMP, this server was created by refugees desperate for a land without admin abuse, inventory wipes, or "surprise" dragons.
Region: Proudly hosted for the gamers of Assam. Assamese is the default language here (English is okay too if you are a noob).
Price: Free to play forever. No subscription, no pay-to-win, just pure blocky chaos.
NEW! Latest News from the Spawn Chunks
Hello explorers! Welcome to the official web portal of the Assam SMP. We finally fixed the chunk errors near the Iron Farm (thanks a lot, ExplosionMan2004).
This server started as a humble dirt hut project and has evolved into a chaotic landscape of unfinished mega-bases, "automatic" farms that require manual labor, and a railway system that leads to nowhere.
- Host: Dotto8's Retired Gaming PC
- CPU: AMD Ryzen 3 (Currently on life support)
- RAM: 16 GB (Chrome uses half of it)
WARNING regarding LAG: Since the server runs on a potato, do not fly too fast with Elytras. The Ryzen 3 cannot render chunks that fast. If everyone lags at once, it means Dotto8 probably opened a second browser tab on the host machine.
[!] LIFESTEAL PROTOCOL ACTIVE:
Listen up, fresh spawn. This is a LIFESTEAL server. The stakes are higher than the ping.
- You die? You lose a heart.
- You reach 0 hearts? YOU GET BANNED. (RIP BOZO)
- You kill someone? You steal their heart. Delicious.
> /recipe heart - Learn how to craft hearts (it's expensive af).
SURFING THE WEB (AND THE OCEAN):
We installed the MyPet plugin because walking is for peasants. The meta here is Fish Surfing.
Find a mob, smack it with a lead (with love), and it becomes your pet. Riding a cod across the ocean at mach 10 is the intended way to travel.
> /petcall - Teleport your pet to you (if it's not stuck in a wall).
> /petrelease - Release your pet (You monster).
> PRO TIP: Leash a fish -> tame it -> ride it -> profit.
The "Great Tea Garden" project is officially ON HOLD because someone (naming no names) used all the bone meal on white dye for their modern house.
REWARD: 32 DIAMONDS to anyone who finds AYAN, Chilli, and Corble's Base in the Old World.
(Coordinates must be sent to Dotto8 for verification. Good luck finding it in the corrupted chunks!)
Page last updated: Yesterday (maybe)
Engineering Marvels (and Disasters)
The Old World (Kwwanzo SMP) [STATUS: CORRUPTED]
The Kaziranga Mob Zoo
Builder: TheAdmin
Originally intended to be a sanctuary for rare mobs. Currently houses 4 zombies named "Bob", a skeleton that won't despawn, and a very angry creeper in a glass box.
Safety Rating: 2/10 (Glass is fragile)
The Sky-High Bamboo Farm
Builder: LagMachine9000
Causes the server TPS to drop by 5 every time it harvests. It produces enough bamboo to fuel the furnaces for the next century, yet we still use coal. Why? Because we can.
The Holy Iron Farm
Builders: Puwali & Dotto (Ghast Provider: FRsteeve)
Built over the mountains near spawn to combat the cursed seed where iron was rarer than diamonds. Powered by a very angry Ghast named HELICOPTER (lent by FRsteeve), this farm created a total iron monopoly. Puwali and Dotto could fully kit out anyone they liked, while the peasants mined with stone picks.
6_methead_7's Nuclear Bunker
Builder: 6_methead_7
Hidden behind a complex automatic sticky piston entrance deep underground. Despite not using a single block of obsidian, this massive bunker was spacious enough to house an entire End City he smuggled in piece by piece. He built it to survive the "Great Server War" that never happened. He is likely still down there, waiting for the nukes, unaware the server crashed just two weeks ago.
TOO GRAPHIC
The Nether Hub Incident
Culprit: Unknown
Someone tried to sleep in a bed to set their spawn point. We are still finding bits of quartz in the overworld.
The Cherry Blossom Wedding Hall
Builder: Himanishhere
A romantic masterpiece built entirely of cherry leaves and planks, floating above the scenic ocean. Famous for its breathtaking sunset views, it has hosted countless server weddings. Open to the public for anyone looking to tie the knot (prenup for diamond stashes recommended).
The Treasury of FRsteeve
Builder: FRsteeve
A legendary vault located deep underground. FRsteeve, the server's most dedicated explorer, dumps all his loot here after his 10,000-block mining trips. The best part? It's completely open to the public. Need diamonds? Go to FRsteeve's. Need a heart of the sea? FRsteeve's. Need a friend? FRsteeve is probably mining, but take a diamond anyway.
The Silverfish XP Blender
Engineer: Puwali
Designed by the server's resident genius, this farm is statistically the most efficient source of XP in the Neo World. It exploits a stronghold spawner to drown you in levels. WARNING: Do not bring your precious gear here without Mending, or Puwali might Axe-crit you for "inefficiency."
The Neo World (Assam SMP) [STATUS: ACTIVE]
The Romantic Heart Firework Machine
Builder: Himanishhere (Sabotaged by Puwali)
Intended to be the ultimate romantic gesture, this machine launched fireworks into a perfect heart shape. It worked exactly 4 times. Why? Because Puwali was secretly lurking at build limit (Y=320). Just as the romance peaked, a slow, inevitable curtain of lava descended from the sky, burning the redstone connections instantly. Puwali then poured water, lavacasting a massive cobblestone heart wall over the machine. A frozen, stony heart encasing a broken love machine? The poetic implications are terrifying.
The Living Oak Estate
Builder: Puwali
In a shocking pivot from industrial lava-casting, Puwali has "gone green." This house wasn't built with planks; it was grown entirely from saplings using bonemeal and sheer will. Every wall is a tree, and every roof is a canopy. It features 100% organic architecture, vegan-friendly walls, and a 0% fire safety rating. It stands as a confusing testament to his duality: he will drown you in lava, but he respects the trees.
CIVILIZATION IS REBUILDING...
The architects are currently gathering dirt.
Submit your new builds to Dotto8 to be featured here!
"amar logot panga mane nanga"
- Anonymous quote found on a sign post.
⚠️ The Sacred Texts (Server Lore) ⚠️
> ACCESSING ARCHIVES...
> DECRYPTING HISTORY FILES...
System Restore Point: Kwwanzo SMP (The Old World)
Before the current server (Assam SMP) existed, there was Kwwanzo SMP (The Old World). It was a digital paradise—Heaven. Perfect terrain, scenic vistas, and almost zero lag. But alas, it met an untimely fatal error due to the Admins' incompetence. Now, it exists only in our corrupted memories.
Era 1: The Genesis of Kwwanzo SMP
The server was initialized by the Owner/Admin Kwwanzotherizzer. It was a simpler time.
THE FOUNDING FATHERS (Early Access Squad)
| Dotto8 | Built "Gravity Traps" (holes in the floor) because he was paranoid. |
| Puwali | Engineer Class. Started the industrial revolution. |
| Leonardo | Tech Support. Helped new players not die. |
| FRsteeve | The Exile. Ran 10k blocks away to hide his diamonds. |
The Industrial Revolution: Out in the farlands, FRsteeve and Himanishhere became the first capitalists, building a Villager Trading Hall and attempting an Iron Farm. It was wholesome. Too wholesome.
Era 2: The Great Aesthetic War
"War... War never changes. But it does ruin the landscape."
THE ALLIES
The Aesthetes- Chilli
- AYAN
- Corble
THE AXIS
The Industrialists- Dotto8
- Puwali
- FRsteeve
The Spark: Aesthetics vs. Efficiency
The Allies built a beautiful Japanese Castle in a valley. The Axis built an ugly, loud Holy Iron Farm on the mountain directly above it. The view was ruined.
[!] The Siege of the Iron Farm:
While the Axis engineers were away, the Allies built a massive, unbreakable obsidian wall around the Iron Farm. It was a siege by bureaucracy (Land Claim abuse).
[!] Operation: Iron Finger:
In retaliation, Puwali infiltrated the Japanese Castle, found one block of unclaimed land, and erected a massive Middle Finger made of Iron Blocks. It stood as a monument to petty victory.
The Aftermath: Total war. Puwali and Dotto were slain. Himanishhere was collateral damage. A peace treaty was signed, and the Japanese Castle was moved to an undisclosed location.
Era 3: The Age of Corruption & The Void Cataclysm
As the server aged, the Admins grew restless. Desperate for YouTube views, they triggered a series of catastrophic events that would lead to the server's doom.
Step 1: The Tournament of Despair (The F3 Incident)
It started with a vision. KwwanzotheRizzer, a man who knew everything about OBS Studio but absolutely nothing about Minecraft mechanics, decided to host a "Grand PvP Tournament" for content.
The Serial Doxxer: This wasn't a one-time mistake. The Server Owner had a habit of teleporting to players live on stream using OP commands, with his F3 debug screen open the entire time. He doxxed base coordinates, secret stashes, and hidden bunkers to his entire chat, completely oblivious to what he was doing.
The "Fire Magic" Discovery: During the tournament commentary, KwwanzotheRizzer gasped in pure awe when he saw a player set another on fire. He wasn't accusing them of hacks; he was just genuinely amazed by the shiny flames. "HOW IS HE BURNING?! THAT'S SO COOL!" he yelled excitedly. The chat had to explain to him what the Fire Aspect enchantment was. He had never seen it before.
The Land Claim Crisis: An army of players—Axis, Allies, and naked noobs—had arrived at the tournament site. They pulled out their Golden Shovels.
Using the server's own GriefPrevention plugin, players claimed every single chunk of the arena while KwwanzotheRizzer was still building it. Realizing the arena was now technically private property of random players, The Owner simply threatened to run /kill @a and wipe the entire server if they didn't leave.
The Matchmaking Disaster: It got worse. With no rules established (because he didn't know what "crit spam" was), he threw poor mobile players using touch controls into the pit against sweaty PC players with gaming mice. It wasn't a tournament; it was a public execution.
Step 2: The Great Inventory Wipe (Bug #404)
If the tournament was a tragedy, what followed was a comedy of errors. The "Inventory Wipe Bug" wasn't a one-off event; it was a plague.
Patient Zero: The first reported victim was Dotto8. Then it spread. After the tournament, almost every player logged in to find themselves naked. Some unlucky souls got wiped multiple times in a single week.
The Useless Support: The Admins never fixed the bug. Instead, they assigned Admin ANI to handle refunds. ANI did... absolutely nothing. He refunded maybe 2 people and then went AFK for a month.
The Mace Giveaway Scandal: Realizing The Server Owner had zero game knowledge, players started taking advantage of him. They DM'd him asking for "Maces" (a weapon he didn't understand).
Thinking it was just a cool hammer, KwwanzotheRizzer gladly spawned in and gave away Maces to half the server, blissfully unaware that he was handing out one of the most broken, high-damage weapons in the game. He single-handedly ruined the PvP meta because he wanted to be "nice."
Most players never got their original gear back. The armor, the building blocks, the memories? Gone forever. Morale hit rock bottom.
Step 3: The Soro Rebellion
The End Dimension remained locked "for hype." Enter Soro OP.
Soro staged a peaceful protest at the portal frame. He placed signs calling the Owner a "Noob" and famously wrote "F*** THIS SERVER".
The "Apology" Stream: The Owner, KwwanzotheRizzer, got incredibly butthurt. He hosted a livestream demanding a public apology from Soro and the immediate removal of the offensive signs. Soro declined. The signs remained hanging there until the very end.
[EVIDENCE_TAPE_01.AVI]
> STATUS: RATIO'D
This stream backfired spectacularly. Instead of shaming him, the chat filled with "FREE SORO" spam. Soro wasn't banned; he was just mocked so relentlessly that he refused to ever log in again. He became a ghost.
THE FINAL CHAPTER: THE VOID TYRANT
The date was set: 9:00 PM. The hype was manufactured. Soro OP was gone, but his presence loomed large.
The Great Delay: 9:00 PM came and went. The End Portal remained closed. The players waited in the lobby, restless.
Why? Because the three Admins—KwwanzotheRizzer, ANI, and OptixGaming—had prepared nothing beforehand.
Instead of testing offline, they were "monkeying around" with the server code live. For over an hour, while players waited, the "Three Stooges" of coding were frantically trying to hack together a custom entity to mock Soro. Spoiler alert: They didn't know Java.
The Forced Migration: When the code was finally "ready" (it wasn't), the Admins got impatient. They didn't wait for players to enter the portal. They executed a command: /tp @a the_end.
Every single player—geared or naked, AFK or active—was instantly teleported to the End spawn platform. It was a chaotic mosh pit. Kharmaboy and his clan took advantage of the confusion, turning the small obsidian platform into a slaughterhouse.
The Hubris of The Owner: Inside the bloodbath, the vanilla Ender Dragon fell in seconds. But the event wasn't over. KwwanzotheRizzer, seeking to humiliate the exiled rebel one last time, executed his broken script. He summoned the monstrosity: [SORO THE VOID TYRANT].
[ARCHIVE_FOOTAGE: THE_CRASH.mp4]
> SYSTEM INTEGRITY: 0%
The Meltdown: As seen in the footage above, the entity didn't function. It seized up, vibrating violently, spawning millions of particle effects per second. The code was so bad it refused to execute logic. The server's TPS dropped to negative values.
On stream, KwwanzotheRizzer lost it. He started screaming at ANI and OptixGaming, blaming them for the spaghetti code while his face turned redder than the error logs.
The Chat Reaction: Before the connection snapped, the chat log moved one last time. It wasn't fear. It was pure legendary mockery.
- <rupamop3051> Soro Da bhal asil
- <avimanyudutta> the end has ended guys, OP till the end
- <Serial Farts> Soro zyada hi op nikla
- <Kouxik> bal bonala
- <prankdan> Goat soro
- <karilshshshsh> Soro is the next herobrine
- <Prakash69> L moment KwwanzotheRizzer
- <prank.dran> top 10 minecraft L moments
- <yooSteeve> Once a legend said , This server is too boring
- <FreshBangladeshiImport> Soro never dies
- <karilshshshsh> Soro Literally fucked the admins atp
- <Serial Farts> W UNEXPECTED SCRIPT
- <Venessacore> Biggest plot twist in Kwwanzo SMP history
Visibly embarrassed on his own stream, KwwanzotheRizzer didn't even try to fix it. He simply queued up some sad music, put on a pair of sunglasses to hide his eyes (and his shame), and sat there in silence. He never even attempted the /kill command. He just accepted his fate.
The screen froze. The "Void Tyrant"—wearing Soro's face—had eaten the world.
Connection Lost: java.lang.StackOverflowError
Kwwanzo SMP was gone. The file corruption was total. Soro OP didn't just defeat the admins; his defiance (and the lag) became the catalyst for the Great Reset.
From the ashes of that crash, the refugees gathered to form a new, laggy, but free land: The Assam SMP (Neo World).
~*~*~ R.I.P. KWWANZO SMP ~*~*~
Gone but not forgotten (except the lag, we forgot that).
DO NOT GO TO THE NETHER ROOF.
(Seriously, don't ask.)
The Crew
The brave souls who tolerate the lag.
| Username | Role | Known For | Status |
|---|---|---|---|
| Dotto8 | Server Owner (Clueless) | Being a total noob & Googling "how to craft stick" | Confused |
| Soro OP | The Martyr | Causing the "Void Dragon" Crash | LEGEND (Exiled) |
| Puwali | Chief Engineer | Solving the Global XP Famine | Mending Gear |
| FRsteeve | The Philanthropist | Giving away rare loot for free | Mining (Y=-58) |
| ToxicNinja69 | Demolition Expert | Treating TNT like it's bubble wrap | Flying (Elytra) |
| Redstone_Rick | Engineer | Building machines that explode | Sleeping |
| TeaPlanter_Assam | Farmer | Obsessed with hoe durability | AFK |
| Himanishhere | Chief Romantic Officer | Building wedding halls & heart machines | Crafting Fireworks |
| Kharmaboy | The Hunter | Speedrunning your death (Respectfully) | Hunting |
| dvknm | The Superfan | Saying "Wow Big Fan!" & Floating Bases | Typing "Big fan!!" |
| 6_methead_7 | The Doomsday Prepper | Building a nuclear bunker for a war that never happened | Waiting in bunker |
| xX_PVP_Lord_Xx | Tryhard | Fighting phantoms with a stick | Dead |
Guestbook
[12:00] User1: can i have op pls?
[12:01] Admin: no.
[12:05] dvknm: Wow Admin Big fan !!
[12:10] System: User1 was kicked.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER & WAIVER OF LIABILITY:
This website is a work of satire, historical documentation, and pure cope. Any resemblance to actual persons, server owners, or bad coders (living or banned) is purely intentional but legally distinct. By accessing this site, you agree that KwwanzotheRizzer cannot sue us because we have no money, only dirt blocks. All "allegations" of admin incompetence found within these pages are technically "feature reviews" under Fair Use.
This site is hosted on a potato PC protected by international maritime law (source: trust me bro). If you are KwwanzotheRizzer, please close this tab.
© 1999-2026 Assam SMP. All rights reserved. Powered by Notepad.exe and broken dreams.
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